Time to sit down and write

Time to sit down and blog

Time to sit down and bleh

Bleh.....

I hope everyone is following me on twitter? I really enjoy twitter it allows me to share my brain farts with people, and the best thing is that I can pretend that people read them...

Check out www.twitter.com/#!/davidchedder Yes!!!!!

Welcome to another belated blog entry. I know that in order to get people to read the blog it needs to be topical. From there it is just a small climate change to Tropical, a bit more to Sub tropical, down to Arid. I am sure you see where this is going. A little more climate change and we get desert. What's great in the desert!? 
Dessert of course and what's the best dessert? 
Whisky of course, and what's better than whisky? It's probably Whisky

I have also decided to make the blog more visceral, that is I am going to put more pictures in it, and try put in more daily life stuff

Oh yes and Bleh.......

Recently I have developed a bit of gangrene in my thumb, sorry I mean I have developed a green finger (sans chlorophyll of course). I recently bought a mushroom kit from www.mushroomfactory.co.za made me some yummy oyster mushrooms. The kit worked well and we ate our first batch of oysters this past week.

Here are the mushrooms 6 days after setting up the kit

3 days after spouting

4 days after spouting

3 days after spouting

5 days after spouting

6 days after spouting - Harvest day

Yay for harvested mushrooms!!!!

And for green thumb tasks that actually included chlorophyll, I have started a cactus obsession. I bought 4 lophos from www.sheilamnursery.com I also got some seeds from them... I also ordered some seeds from  www.cactusplaza.com really not sure how long these will take to get here. I really wish we did not need to deal with the South African postal service, they are for lack of a better word useless. On a side note you can buy agave seeds from cactus plaza..... so think about it, if you order those, you could make your own tequila in 7 to 10 years time... I never knew it took so long for the plants to reach maturity, I certainly hope that they have enough agave in Mexico to keep up with my demand.

But from the seeds I got locally I am starting to realise that succulents and cacti are far more difficult to grow than herbs and chillies

Potted Lophos

On a  side note, happy belated birthday http://twitter.com/#!/Gabriele_Wood Hope you have a blast later on tonight!!!!

Random Rant

Today's Random Rambling, is a random rant. or at least generalized hate speech. Earlier on I was ready to use CAPS and unleashed the fury (but furry works too). I would have made Samuel L Jackson, seem like a nice quiet calm person. (Have you noticed that Samuel L Jackson, shouts in every single movie role he has been in? Was he in the school play, shouting, Repunzel, repunzel, let down yo mutha fuggen hair woman, do not make me go up 2 decibels and break down this mutha fuggen buildin with the shear volume of my voice. - and while you up there get me a royale with cheese, JT says they are real god.)

Oh yes anger and rage... arg. Pirates? Not quite, I remember now, my generalized hatred is aimed at cell phone spam. Nasty little bastards trying to sell crap I do not need, via sms. Please who uses sms anymore, oh yes, just those freaken cheap assed telemarketers. I have a cell phone thank you, seriously who does not have a cell phone. I DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH VODACOM OR CELL C. EVER.. If i had wanted to do so, I would have walked into one of their stores or gone to their website, and I would have said.Please may I have a cell phone from you. Have I done this, no. The only reason I am still with Mtn, is because they have not pised me off enough to leave.. Which leaves me wondering where will I go should i need to kill the mtn contract? Not vodacom and cell c for sure. I will just use my phone on wifi at home and coffee shops. Who needs sms, and the only people who phone me are sales people or vampires. (One day I will find your hive and nail your coffins shut, you hear me.)

Oh and now for some good news, the PSN store is back up, I have been happily downloading some random games that I will probably never play. And the world, contrary to poplar belief, did not end on th 21st of last month (Late sorry, I misread the memo and was out hunting rabbits in the kalahari while on obscenely powerful hallucinogens - note to self, that actually sounds like fun)

Another point of contention - Yes I am err content with the point of err, the subject and stuff. I have been looking into the whole new world order story that has been floating around for some time. Th people who are complaining about this obviously do not come from south africa. To be honest, any kind of order sounds awesome, old world, new world, hell I will even take other world order. The key word is order, it implies some kind of decorum, a purpose. So the next time you are at home affairs or the licensing department, just think I'm sure that those lizard people could do this better.

And sorry for the americanised destruction of the english language. I could not(did not bother) o change the spell check

Archibald the werewolf and his werepoodle bitches

It's cold outside, the full moon peaks sneaky sneakily like through the thick clouds. It's cold, colder then usual for this time of year. Some say that it has been the coldest year in overr 60 years. I really do not know why anyone would care, I don't think it effects house prices or anything. Reminds me of some interesting person telling me about their love exity8 level what's a ma thing, doing level f to poop, or something to that affect. Sorry about that, I am trying to say that it is cold outside. But that is outside, we are inside. It's warm, musky, crowded and the its where all the fantasy folk go when they need to let go, and don an Afro.

There he is, Archibald the werewolf, surrounded by his werepoodle bitches. But he's not sleazy, well not too sleazy. Think of him as the guy behind the counter at your local green grocer, okay you have me he's pretty sleazy. He's wearing a pin stripe suite, top 2 buttons on his shirt are open, with some chest fur peaking out, not quite as much as the green grocer though. Now the good bit, the werepoodles. They are typical sleazy guy paid for company...... not sure if I should describe them it may offend some and the scary thing is it may excite a few who find the idea of a poodle lady appealing.
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Sorry what were you, woof, woof arooo, sorry just day dreaming a bit there.

Not sure where that was going, but it could of had everything, clowns on unicycles, intrigue, suspense watrmelons filled with vodka, monkeys in bikinis and romance, crowmance, cheese and more cheese. The rude word of the day is bum partgoing

Thanks for all the fish.

Its been a while, but I gues that is starting to sound like a cliche with me. But hey, it is a very true one, cliche that is. I could tell you the truth, that I have just been too freaken lazy to even write in my blog.. SO I think I'll just lie. I have been very busy, I watched some tv, lost, prison break, supernatural, girls of the playboy mansion, not the fuggen news. I have been working in a place where my internet usage is monitored! Oh no only 400 megs and they actually send me cute little warning emails. You are looking at too many comic websites! Your internet usage for the week is the highest in the department. This is the second time your internet usage is the highest, please look into this! This is the last time I am speaking to you about your internet usage. I am going to take away your internet usage. HHHMmmm okay maybe they weren't so cute, kind of annoying actually. I can't help it I'm addicted to the internet, or maybe I just ==== never ever say anything bad about your job in your blog, they WILL fire you ===. Do you understandf where I am coming from, and no, it is not from behind the fridge.

Oh yes I have also started writing a book! Its gonna be great, action suspense, tenticle creatures and a milk man, yes you heard that correctly, but not just any milk man, he is th Milk Man of justice (patent pending). The book is named Memiors of a Gopher named Gopher. So far this epic novel is standing at a hefty 3 pages, of solid dripping GOLD!

Blog Of Doom!

Ha ha ha. Its time for another installment of something Of Doom! Its pretty simple even small children can play, although Americans might find it quite difficult. All you have to do is put “Of Doom” after every noun you say. Easy huh! Here are a few examples. “I’m just going to walk my dog Of Doom.” Or “My that’s a lovely new shirt Of Doom you have on, it would look lovely crumpled up on my floor Of Doom.” Or “Hey baby, how’d would you like to see my pad Of Doom.” Or “The other day I watched this documentary Of Doom, about penguin Of Doom, they lived on all this ice Of Doom, and ate fish Of Doom.” Okay maybe it can get a bit complicated for small children, but hey its fun for the whole family Of Doom!

I know this is short, but I need to keep it that way so that I can understand it.

instant coffee just add humans

Ha, ha ha. Doesn’t that just make you laugh; I read that on a shirt the other day. “Instant Human, Just add Coffee.” It made me laugh so hard that coffee came out my trunk, and I had to use tentacles 3 through 7 to mop up the ensuing disaster, earth humour, really gets my fallingle flowing. I’m rather found of coffee, and humans, just they get a bit limp when you leave them in it too long, my how I love to watch them thrash around in the foamy delicious java. I enjoy it when they squirm around in my mouth between my tongues.

The world has become a sad sad place, when jingle boops talk about their sordid love affairs with small hominid life forms from that little blue planet in the milky way. Interspecies mingling can not be tolerated in this age of high fidelity quadraphonic spaz slapping.

Sorry but, as usual I’m not at sorts, stimulants, lack of sleep and utter boredom have caused global warming on scales not yet know to those damn penguins…………. Quack (penguins dammit, que the penguins) (what’s the difference? duck, penguin they both swim) (the one eats, fish the other eats..)(toast!) (what? I’ve never seen a duck eat toast) (no no not ducks, I want toast, snack packs ,snack packs all I want are snack packs) (someone please remove this idiot…. And get me a snack pack too……. Hm this is some good juice, can I go for a lye down?) Alright, the support staff are out of the way, no we only have one more task… and that is , take over the world, brush our teeth, chase a shot of tequila with skunk urine. No its time to browse the internet for more pointless crap to do. Number 1, read http://dchedda.blogspot.com (this very blog) If that is not pointless enough, then well bluh…..

That’s funny I was about to say the same thing

Good evening, it weird that we only seem to meet when I am on my ear, welcome to my ear it is cartilaginous and earlike. It probably has something to do with all the stimulants in the water here, dam it is hard to sleep.

Ah yes and guess what, all these great plans of witty report and etc have deluded me. I can’t smoke in doors any more so I will have to live off the fumes from under my bed.

I went to happy fun land tonight, only to be met by some half assed Nigerian, he said the park was closed, so what could I do apart from pee on the roller coaster and vow to be there earlier tomorrow (apparently most people are asleep by 3)

But I got some photo’s of me and the lads. I’m the good looking one.






Apparently people act like acting like retards around me.

Unimportant Iputs of Don

Good morning, all. I know it has been a while, but I have been very busy. I was helping clean up soiled seals and penguins, or at least I watched a doccie about it on Discovery Channel. All in all, it was quite a fruitful, zork knows how long. But never fear it will take more than a new job, laptop, various other events to stop me, after all I am the beer-a-nator. Gimme beer I am thirsty. Okay AFTER all my invites to new members of Random Ramblings, I have finally forced/enticed a new member. If you know me as well as I do, you may know that I have known Don since he was a sweet little school wretch, he has now turned into a rather obtuse oblong, and rather elongated thinga ma jig. Oh well anyway here is Don's first, and hopefully not last. Viva la Don.

Unimportant Iputs of Don

I’ve officially been recruited as a random inclusion… my purpose in making huge effort to type words, correct in grammar and inspiring in reason, create no feeling of hope or fateful faith. They’re simply there because they weren’t told that they couldn’t be. Hi, I’ve lived 23 years of my life with the title of Don. Not really the type of personal description that runs parallel with anything that vaguely begets exciting, excitement…choosing it’s home between the colour grey and melancholy emotions….

Fark that was boring…

I once possessed intriguing tales relating closely with the human condition. Metaphorical enigma’s of sorts, bold yet mundane… once, on queue, shocking and awing audiences, opening vast realms of self imaginations… Journey’s of great Kings, life altering realizations of needing hopefuls and endings perfect enough to raise eyebrows place unimpressionable critics. These oddly placed words of myth, glory and achievement, circled royalty type conversations with ease.
Sadly though…great tales decay. Become ice breakers and awkward elevator conversations, it becomes a eighty-five year olds dying joke.


Sorry I have not proof read this post, but hell that makes things more interesting.

Oh well enjoy your week/donkey darbie/any other event which may be worth mentioning.

(Insert Title)

Ah good (insert time of day.) It has been quite a while, (insert time since last post) to be exact. I hope you are well, I am (insert current state of being), but have been a little (insert past tense negative) lately. FARK, FARk FEKKIDI fek fek. Bleep blip You Mother Farkin fark fark. Dam automated random shit generator, still trying to get me to insert my credit card. That’s it I’m writing all my own random shit from now on. Oh I mean I’ll ramble on a bit randomly, or something. Today (insert date in past) Smash, smash fark fark. Roar, dammit. Okay I am either being very prodigious, or extremely lazy. This blog entry type thing (what you are reading now) has bee prepared at some previous date, one long before the post by date, some may say long before the dinosaurs, some may say before Riaan Cruywagen. But how are we to know, after all time is only relative. To prove this, you will need to go to any government department, preferably the licensing department, now remember that you are there for a very important reason, such as having your license renewed or to shoot someone. Not only will the hour you are there feel like an hour but much more, you may perceive the man next to you age, ever so slightly at first but then you will notice that he now has a beard, then he starts to grey, his nurse comes every now and then to change his colostomy bag, you notice his drip is getting empty, you see his son come to take over their proud place in line, you wonder if you are aging too, you are, you start to lose touch with reality, becoming senile even. Why oh why did you have to go and stand in that life draining queue. Oh the end is nigh. Another test, for those who don’t want to die in the process is to go to a fairly large public event, like a concert or a rugby/cricket/popular national sport game. Find a nice seat, have something to eat, maybe a beer or two and a block or two of brooklax. Now the time it takes for the brooklax to kick in and the time it takes you to find relief. Now that by definition is eternity.

Sorry about the time thingy, it’s just that this is, was, er will be a prepared blog entry. I typedy, typedy, some stuff on me keyboard into the words n’ stuff program, then I save it for later. Kind of like preparing a biochemical warfare weapon thing. I doubt that even the best biochemical scientist dudes could have made their allotted nasties in terror 101. They would have needed to put in many hours of home work, mixing just the right amounts of anthrax with Viagra etc. and on the good side at least you don’t get very many second rate biochemical terrorists, due to the high levels of self study required, they seem to kind of sort them selves out(and their family pets, families, neighbours pets, neighbours etc. etc.)

“I’m sorry oh great large, powerful and very muscular in that t-shirt random shit generator. You are the most wonderfulest random shit generator in the entire fluff. Oh take me into your flock and show me your wonder. And I will give you all my worldly possessions; I have no need for them for I know that when I am with you I need not. What is that? Oh of course I will bring you all the beer that this land has to offer. .. Yes and a cheese burger, with extra chips. …. And a Game boy? Oh Sorry one of those cool new Game Boy DS’ with all the cool little extras, and all the games for it that this ;land has to offer…. And a Porsche designed kitchen set including the nifty toaster and kettle. Oh my random shit generator, this is… What oh you are not done, but this is a rather long list, and I don’t think I even know what a spaloonkedy wonka is….. This is too much, where oh where shall I find these things?” And then I shot him, the most annoying disciple I have ever had. Remember that even though I may take pity upon you today, because you praised my random shit, and stuff, no one likes a suck up, especially not one that doesn’t know what a spaloonkedy wonka is anyway. Oh and next time you see me, give me a beer I’ve deserved it.

Listen to me now.

Yes that is right for a limited time only you will be able to rule the world (batteries not included) for the low, low price of humanity. “Mwahaha, our plans are finally coming to fruition Mr. Bush.” “Oh really, that’s sounds like a smoothie, could I please have some strawberry in mine?” “Um. Strawberry?” “Yeah, you know those sweet little red spotty things.” “No, no. Fruition, it is the outcome of our plans.” “Yeah, yeah. I know, you put in the strawberry and outcomes the smoothie. Ooh, aah. Got ta git me some o dat fruitionola’ smoothie ye.”

And next time on the tv channels of our live we might actually get past the drinks menu. “Ooh, Ooh! I want the blue one, look at the blue one, its all blue and stuff!” I, myself Frank Block of the lands that cease to do stuff of twiddily rounding paths, have found ye another way of wasting vast amounts of time. Yahoo Answers. Which is yet another of these all too wonderful web 2.0 something or the others. It allows me, or you, with all our combined knowledge to ask stupid questions, and to give even dumber answers. I puts a smile on ones face when you know in your heart of heart that you have helped someone else reach and attain a fuller better life. I did this today, just a few moments ago, I helped a poor Sudanese child come to terms with the fact that he is going to have a shit life, for the rest of his life, because he can’t tie his shoes. I mean it the little things, like why is there no snow on the moon? Or what do you think of my Godzilla? Is it safe to let the Windsor’s mate? Important, personal, fruitionola, veggie based questions, that will inevitably clog the internet, causing 5 less people to read this blog. Poop on string, when puppies eat soap on a rope.

Damn Mr Bush, always screwing around when we need him most. The Russians were rather upset with etv’s shit movie last night “Red Heat” where Arnold Schwarzenegger, killed a bunch of people because their Russian accent was better than his. Now seriously has Arnold ever had a good accent? Has he acted in Austrian movies? Was his native accent as shit as his English/Russian/anything he says accent. Only Americans would elect these mofos. I guess I can’t be one to talk though, I can’t understand anything South African politicians say either; all I know is that they like large expensive 4x4s, R500 000 family holidays, and the occasional post coital showers.

Until next-time. Keep on keeping on

Dam inhabitants of nostril land.

It’s got absolutely nothing to do with global warming or the yellow parakeet that lives in your rectum, nor anything to do with the rainbow nation hitting puberty, or the little funny onion thingies in your soup. It has a little less to do with our appalling service levels, smell ignorant police, unqualified teachers, poly-unsaturated / mono-saturated fats, weekend’s on the east rand, and getting lost in the west rand. Or even to do with me being capped after browsing a few too many websites and downloading too much (legal) stuff. It may have something to do with the Far East economies, but that still needs to be confirmed. Some may ask how it all affects the price of cheese, but that is just ridiculous, all I do is go outside and pick some from our lovely cheese garden. It all makes about as much sense as saying the price of cut grass…. “Yes, I’d like a cup full of Canada green, a hand full of Serengeti and a pinch of crab grass.”.. ”Hmm, lovely grass soup, don’t forget the funny onion thingies though.” Where was I going with all that seems to elude me at the moment, must be the dam far eastern economy, or something.

AS you may have / or not gathered, I was degraded to a sans internet status for the last week or so of last month. It gave me time to catch up on a little reading (note to self we need a new tv guide), some chores, some other stuff and a good deal of playing Ragnarok Offline Battle. It is a doujin (fan made) game by a company called French Bread (Don’t worry I have yet to find any frenchiness to it, although there is also a decided lack of Englishness too.) The game is in Japanese (I think) and pretty much entails you going on a quest to wonder the country side, while beating the crap out of cute little bunnies, mushrooms with teeth, cute little bunnies, cute little doggies, funny things with long tongues, a scare crow and more cute creature of various descriptions. It releases our innate hate for all things cute, this easiest identified by giving a baby a cute stuffed animal, babies are rather ill equipped to fight any meaningful battles, so they in fact rely on their blunted gums and over active bowels to soil, destroy, humiliate and other bad things, to said cute stuffed creatures. No wonder we all come out a little odd, because the adults who are supposed to protect infants are continuously dressing them in, surrounding them with obnoxious cute little Satan beasties. It warps the psyche, turning our natural inborn hate to turn into a silly wimpering “Ahhh! That’s cute.” I propose a boycott on all things cute, fluffy and pink. We shall surround our young with sharp objects (which can be used to attack cute things that try corrupt said infant), and dark colours. The “terrible” twos are merely complaining about all the cute crap lying around.

I can prove that cheese is tasty. Here eat this.

Ah yes it is a gloomy Sunday morning and I‘ve been left alone with my thoughts again. Sneeeky little buggers always trying to convince me that the light in the fridge is not there for my amusement. Last night I did some very interesting research into how locals interact with tourists, next week I’ll try terrorists, first off you will need some locals, easy enough, then you need to locate a tourist, not so easy, or at least I couldn’t be bothered to look for one. We now have all the players locals, supplied from the surrounding areas, a tourist, me with a “German” accent and several beers. I really don’t know why I was so friendly, if I was a German tourist I’d be rude and obnoxious, why should my attitude change if my nationality did, so I did what all tourists do, and that is try to mingle with the locals while trying not to look like a terrorist, sorry I mean tourist. So all you need to do is go to everyone within ear shot and talk to them about what a good time you are having, in random German words learnt from tv, ein, gut pronounced goet, alveedezen (my german spelling is probably off), bier, achtun, shizer, shwine, and some other badly pronounced syllables. I’m not sure whether anyone noticed that I only got the accent after a few beers though, I think I even fooled the locals that I went there with. However I would recommend caution with trying to be a foreigner though, firstly don’t try being German in a German pub, because they will start talking to you in German, and trust me not even the best German accent will give you the ability to hold a conversation in German, I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work. Do not try acting like a German in an Afrikaans pub, not because they will understand you, but because it will be completely lost on them, and they probably won’t buy you any drinks. PS just talking English properly will make them think you are a tourist, I’ve been English, Australian, and South African in the same evening, with the same people, even after I spoke Afrikaans, and I was trying to prove that I was South African, I had to get my cousin, their friend, to back me up. But at the end of the day I don’t think you need to be German to enjoy a good German beer, with some nice German food, a personal favourite is schnitzel, potato salad, sour kraut, and if they have it ask for a little purple (yummy.) And the good thing is that all these delicacies can be got at most German pubs (remember not to use your German accent here, unless if you really are German though)

Live and partially nude in a bedroom near you!

Now that I've got your attention It's about time I hear from somebody, anybody. I don't freaken care. Guild Wars has led me down a horrible path of self destruction, or at least one of wanton destruction of property and all those little street kids in the neighbourhood. Damn street kids think they own the roads. I’ll show the dirty little buggers, next time you step in front of me I’m gonna set the law straight by riding over you, and then, I’ll res any of my party who were slain and then heal the rest. Lets just say I’ll go all monk over them, not catholic naughty behind the pew lovin, but rather some serious smiting monk vengeance, I’ll remove your enchantments and send some bone minions from hell to destroy you. Lets just thank the heavenly tokoloshe that street kids don’t run this country. Well the current gov doesn’t differ that much though, except they are a bit bigger and their clothes have less wholes in them.

Oh ja, um yous guys’s must send youses funny shit to my email fblock40(at)hotmail.com [just replace the (at) with @] If you wanna send funny pictures, make sure my email is empty. But it would be better if you send rants, raves and even dribbles top dis box. Remember that I don’t even give my friends my email address, so use it wisely. The bestest stuffs will be puted up on this blog, you will receive recognition from the heavans above in the form of a fresh pigeon doodie on the car parked next to yours. You will also receive the prize of your choice, to collect your prize, go to your favourite shop, choose your prize, proceed to the counter, put the prize down, pull out your credit card/9 mm, and them go home to enjoy your prize. (Do note the armed robbery is frowned at in most “modern” societies, so check with your neighbours, unless of course you sold their house. Do not confirm any plans of armed robbery with the local policeman as they may want to charge a special armed robbery tax [bastards] or at least that’s what they did when I asked)

PS that mail box is a spam trap so, don’t send spam, just your little stories.

PPS don’t these little ps thingies piss you off.

Fak, I was sleping and then.

Sorry about not blogging for a while, okay over a month, I know it wasn't because I was too busy, I mean I've been sitting on my ass doing nothing for the last month. All my hopes and dreams were shattered when I tried to become an office automation sales man, wholly crap that sucked. Do you know that the only difference between an oa sales man and a con man is, it is that the oa man pays tax. And then for one day I was on an on the job interview, doing what you ask, I'll tell. Selling crap out of kit bags, hell yeah. Excuse me sir/madam i've got some really smelly crap to sell you, why its fresh i watched the dog make it this morning, now this slightly blue tird is 100% pure doberman, I dought you'll find it cheaper or smellier anywhere else, and if you take 3 I'll throw in a free poopdle stool. FAK OFF YOU SILLY FAKKIN DOOR TO DOOR ADD MONKEY. So that didn't go too well. Well at least one good thing came out of this month of forced unemployment, or well, okay I started playing guild wars, I'm sorry if i didn't catch the greater meaning of life while i wasn't looking, Oh my Fak the world has turned to a purple headed lobster, no wait that's not write. Oh meds I forgot my meds, or did you just fool into thinking that so that you could laugh at me when I accidently overdose, you sick bastard, I want my Mommy, and maybe some more meds.

Oh and by the way, I started a new blog thing on yahoo the address is bum bum bum
http://360.yahoo.com/animesourcesa
as usual my pc doesn't like me so you will have to cut and paste that link into your toaser, when it comes out nice and brown you may put it in you browser. 2 blogs = 2 times the shite from 1 times the lazy man, lets see how it goes.

Robot Bastard, and other short films.

"Hey What's up? How you been?", "Ja, Ja. I Know its been a while. Well I got side tracked. I was unemployed last weekend, it was freaken great. But then on monday I was employed again, hell things have been happening.", "Oh you don't say." I love talking to myself, damn, ah, okay I'm bored, oh you don't say.....

Okay I know I haven't been posting, but I've gotten rather bored of the internet, so I've taken to wathing odd or hard to find films. Well I'm currently trying to source some Godzilla films. ROAR. GODZILA, GODZILLA! I dig weirdos in funny lizard costumes. Oh and there are quite a few people who are willing to let you download and watch their short films for free. Like Little Dog Turpie at (http://www.dogturpie.com/), based on a failry weird fairy tale, and nice animation. Then you have Robot Bastard (http://www.robotbastard.com/), with a dude in a robot suite on a mission, I don't want to give the plot away, but I thought it was pretty cool. You can also look at (www.divx.com) I have found quite a few weird and woderful short films on the web, I even found a full length Star Trek knock off, didn't download it though. Keep and eye out for student films, some of them are very good.

Godzilla VS the small children down the road. Now I'd watch that

'Tis the last Wednesday of the week.

Now that is certainly good news, by golly who wants another Wednesday. Personally I’ve had enough of them for 1 week. Damn, wake up early join the rat race eat a funny saamie, crave a cigarette, have a cigarette, wait till next craving. Sounds exciting, been like this since last Wednesday, or maybe since December, it’s all a haze, time seems to blend into itself, forming disjoined nouns, badly spelt cats and making me a bit more odd than usual, I think I’m a seven today, that’s pretty odd isn’t it. It’s been a while since I have posted, that is because I have been killing the internet here at work, die you measly “broadband” internet thingy, mwahaha! Damn I wanna live in a first world country, better internet, less corruption, less beggars etc etc. “Oh but it can’t be that bad, Why don’t you just get your pet lion to eat the beggars, and your elephant can stomp all those corrupt metros.” “WTF you moron, jhb is a city, the only place to find lions, tigers, bears, orangutans, elephants and other wild animals is at the zoo!”, “But on tv there are animals all over Africa.” “Famine starvation and civil war too, and on tv here there are some intelligent Americans, Just because you see it on tv, does not make it true, for fegs sake. You are a dum ass, go and play with that plug over there, oh and heres a bucket of water. Enjoy.” That’s an idea, maybe I’ll go to the zoo and set some animals free, or was that in a movie, filled with crazy Americans, who just happened to nearly wipe out humanity?

Apparently all of my American and beggar bashing has gotten me some good karma. I will be graduating on Friday, I will be celebrating on Friday and probably Saturday, and then I start my new job on Monday, and tomorrow is my last day here, things are definitely looking up, right, left and then right again. Now cross the street making sure that you keep an eye out for oncoming traffic. Poop! you jay walker. I’ve been told that when in Europe it is very easy to spot South Africans, because they always jay walk, that is cross the road at any location other than the zebra line thing or at the robot. I think it is probably safe to do it my way, that is adopt the position, ready, steady, NOW RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!! In some anime I’ve seen that in Japan they have traffic lights that play some weird docile tune, maybe it is a pied piper kind of tune, lulling the unsuspecting pedestrians into harms way, it seems to have the same effect on the drivers who very rarely take the bait and ride over our anime producing friends. I think they should get something similar here in South Africa, but they would have to change the tune, maybe replace it with the sounds of gun shots, a police siren, breaking glass, it would have to be area specific, like near the zoo you’d have a lions roar etc. This would definitely reduce the amount of time spent crossing the road, and thus reducing the time that taxis have to aim for said pedestrians. Another plus would be that pedestrians would get fitter and thus live healthier more productive lives. Sorry about all that bull, I’m just pissed off with bastards who run out in front of your car and expect you, (they expect me to what?) not hit them, now isn’t that a bit too much to ask, for craps sake, you jumped in front of me, now you taste some datsun fury.

Basic physics, for your inner hamster, inside of yourself.

On discussing nothing with lazydaisy, not your regular 6 pack kind of nothing important (talking crap) but the very real and tangible or at least the lack there of, of nothing, emptiness, the void that fills space when there is nothing there…. Hmmm. It seems that it is hard to imagine a complete void, one that does not even have any air. To eplain this we need to look at atoms, well they are very small so we can’t see them, when they are bundled together in varying densities we get the different phases of matter. These phases are, drum roll please, No that’s not the phase its just a phrase to introduce thing dimwit. The densest phase is a “solid”, where the atoms are so closely packed that they vibrate in extremely close proximity, so close in fact that they create a physical shape, which is more often than not rigid and hard (try walking into a wall, which is pretty solid and will probably hurt, a lot.) Common solids include ice, cheese, walls, tyre irons, nun-chucks, dog food pellets, kryptonite and fruit flavoured sweeties. The next phase is the liquid phase, this is where atoms are still quite close, but they do not form a rigid thing a ma bob. Due to their nature, liquids allow solids to move into and through them (a sword passes freely through beer), they mix with other liquids (rum and coke), and they can dissolve both gasses and solids (carbonated drinks have CO2 gas dissolved in it, and salt water has, well salt dissolved in it.) Common liquids include, beer, soy sauce, wine, tequila, punch, bloody mary, vodka, red bull, that funny blue shit in the bottle, beer and beer (apparently water is one too, I still need to investigate this though.) The last phase of matter is gas. That is when atoms are very sparse, so sparse that one does not realise that they are there, which comes back to the very small nature of the atoms. Gasses fill all the voids (empty spaces) between the other phases of matter (liquids and solids.) The room you are sitting in is filled with a combination of gasses we call air, which is also called the atmosphere, it is mainly made of nitrogen, and has oxygen O2 (used during metabolism – this is fairly important as it gives us the energy need to stay alive), and carbon dioxide CO2, remember the carbonated drinks (which is a by-product of metabolism – and is actually poisonous to us, its cousin carbon monoxide CO is much more dangerous – it comes from the rear of cars.) Common gasses are, chlorine gas, mustard gas, methane, air and fart gas (from your rear after you eat beens or cabbage).

What dictates the phase of any matter is its temperature. High temperature increases the movement between atoms, and hence there space between them. I.E. Ice (can be found in your neighbours freezer) melts into water when it is at room temperature (solid to liquid) put the water (sorry, I should have told you to put the ice in a glass, okay clean up the spilled water and get some more ice.) Note how the shape of the ice changes to fit the shape of the glass, now you can do the next step in a few ways. Basically you need to heat the water to about 100ºC. I tried setting it on fire but it seems to be a fire retardant – quite unlike petrol and other solvents, apart from water based ones of course. You can raise the waters temperature in the microwave or kettle, (be careful with the microwave as it will form hyper hot water, which is not moving, when you move it, the water will instantaneously change its phase from liquid to gas, this will spray fuggin hot water and steam onto you and those dum enough to stand near you while you play with the microwave. The kettle is safer; the bubbles given off during boiling are merely the bubbles of steam (waters gas state), which occur from the phase change (liquid to gas.)

Sorry I got a bit carried away, well explaining nothingness, like that in outer space. There is a finite amount of matter in the universe, that is if I keep on sending it through the SA post it will all eventually disappear (I think they send it to other dimensions.) And all of this finite matter needs to fill the infinite expanses of space. Doo dee doo dee doo…. Bum bum bummmmmm. Big revelation there are places without matter in them, these are called vacuums (no perfect vacuum exists, all those annoying little particles keep screwing things up.)

Whoa that was a long post, and I didn’t even get to explain that much. If this helped you please leave a comment, and I will further unravel the mysteries of the universe, or if you think this sucked leave a comment and then I’ll tell you why you suck. There is more on this subject, but I’m not gonna waste my time if you don’t want to read it. Thank you and good Friday afternoon.

I Need a new car. ASAP!

While driving around this morning some idiot crazy lady hooted at me, or the car in front of me for not taking off quick enough. So what I did was roll down my window and gave psycho bitch the finger. Now this was more effort than it should have been, so to combat this in the future I am offering an open bid to all who read this to give me a new car, it has to have electric windows, so that I never have to use any physical effort to give fingers to worthy numskulls on our roads. “BEEP BEEP this, you stupid shit!” “May some rather nasty people come and repossess your car, may they punch you in the nose while they do it. YOU SUCK!” And on second thought the new car that you are going to give me should have some minor modification. For one the hooter should be set to such a frequency that it would either cause massive heart failure or severe brain hemorrhaging, which ever is more affective, seeing that most SA drivers are already severely mentally retarded, a good heart attack will stop them, and those who use their brains to control their motor functions will have said functions stopped… Permanently. My new vehicle will also need a reinforced body with bull bars to push incapacitated vehicles from my path.



From the drawing you can firstly notice that I do not design cars for a living, secondly you will notice the destructo hooter on the roof and the super strong bull bars on the front. Regular high grade steel would be suitable for the bull bar and reinforcing, the car would need at least a v8 engine to move all the extra weight, the destructo hooter can be aquired at most secret government military research labs. So I eagerly await me new car. and Thank you in advance.

Welcome to Monday.

Ah yes another week has come and gone. No ninja attacks, no shark attacks and a decided lack of sushi. What an uneventful week. Lets hope this week is better. Well its Monday and you guessed it no ninja attack, shark attacks or sushi yet, gotten off to a slow start, maybe I’ll go piss the bears at the zoo off. “Say hello to my little friend you beeg steenkee bear bitch! Ya I called you a bitch you ooglee gross bear.” “UNGrhh?” “Who’s your daddy, I’ll bet he smells like poo, just like you, and your mama, your mama eats out of the toilet, you turd scoffer.” “Bear yawn.” “You gonna ignore me you stupid fuzzy fart bag? Huh, huh, HUH!” “Take that you lazy bum bum head!” Kick sound muffled by fur. “and that!” Punch sound muffled by fur. “GRRRR. Roar. SNRRRL” Biting sound muffled by well nothing. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You freaken bastard, that hurts didn’t you mother tell you it’s not nice to bite people, freaken hell that was a perfectly good pair of pants, I only got them last month, now there is a freaken hole where my leg used to be…. WHAT THE FUUUUU, Where’s my leg, give me back my leg you funky monkey… wooozzzzeee,” lots of blood funny feelings. “What you smiling at you brown fuzzy teeth fairy?” ……. “Wanna be friends?”

Chase that white Rabbit.

Contrary to popular belief, there is a white rabbit at the end of that hole. Do you wanna know why? It’s because it is the white rabbit’s hole, you see it, it’s the one just to the left of that yellow oaker nut tree. Ah yes the illusive white rabbit, fabled for its white rabbitiness. Known across the land for its soft white pelt, cute fuzzy feet and super sharp teeth. Yes it is those sharp pointy teeth that have ended the adventure for many a wondering knight, I guess they were lost, oh rest their souls, may the almighty bunny fiend have mercy upon their souls. It was the mighty bunny fiend and his thirteen apostles of the apocalypse that set up the national bunny foundation (NBF), and it is through this organization that they created and populated many souvenir nations, known as bunny parks. They did this in such a cunning way that people visit these bunny parks, for children’s birthday parties, Sunday picnics, pagan rituals and other miscellaneous amateur warmongering activities. Bunny parks have all been fitted with human bunnification radar antennae’s which bunnify all humans that enter. That is why people feel compelled to take carrots and other bunny treats to said parks. Mentioning the NBF and not mentioning their ancient arch enemies is fairly dum dum. So for those who don’t already know. Think of this where else do people take their young to eat too many sweets and fling diaper waste around? No, it’s not the Vatican. It’s Micky Dee’s, aka Mac Donald’s, dreadful place more insidious than bunny parks and about as inviting as a government hospital emergency room. It is the bright garish colours, free plastic choke toys and the psychotic clown, that entice our smaller brained pint sized little ones. But little do they know that, their happy meals are actually made from the remnants of those who died on the battle fields of the ongoing war between MD and NBF. It is a terrible war, with far more casualties on the bunny side, due to their small size and inability to operate small arms, or any other arms at all. Well the saying breed like rabbits has at least kept them from extinction. Don’t the golden arches resemble bunny ears? Next time some puerile fetish drives you to Micky Dee’s, remember, you are probably eating the white rabbit, at least it saved you the chase.