Chase that white Rabbit.

Contrary to popular belief, there is a white rabbit at the end of that hole. Do you wanna know why? It’s because it is the white rabbit’s hole, you see it, it’s the one just to the left of that yellow oaker nut tree. Ah yes the illusive white rabbit, fabled for its white rabbitiness. Known across the land for its soft white pelt, cute fuzzy feet and super sharp teeth. Yes it is those sharp pointy teeth that have ended the adventure for many a wondering knight, I guess they were lost, oh rest their souls, may the almighty bunny fiend have mercy upon their souls. It was the mighty bunny fiend and his thirteen apostles of the apocalypse that set up the national bunny foundation (NBF), and it is through this organization that they created and populated many souvenir nations, known as bunny parks. They did this in such a cunning way that people visit these bunny parks, for children’s birthday parties, Sunday picnics, pagan rituals and other miscellaneous amateur warmongering activities. Bunny parks have all been fitted with human bunnification radar antennae’s which bunnify all humans that enter. That is why people feel compelled to take carrots and other bunny treats to said parks. Mentioning the NBF and not mentioning their ancient arch enemies is fairly dum dum. So for those who don’t already know. Think of this where else do people take their young to eat too many sweets and fling diaper waste around? No, it’s not the Vatican. It’s Micky Dee’s, aka Mac Donald’s, dreadful place more insidious than bunny parks and about as inviting as a government hospital emergency room. It is the bright garish colours, free plastic choke toys and the psychotic clown, that entice our smaller brained pint sized little ones. But little do they know that, their happy meals are actually made from the remnants of those who died on the battle fields of the ongoing war between MD and NBF. It is a terrible war, with far more casualties on the bunny side, due to their small size and inability to operate small arms, or any other arms at all. Well the saying breed like rabbits has at least kept them from extinction. Don’t the golden arches resemble bunny ears? Next time some puerile fetish drives you to Micky Dee’s, remember, you are probably eating the white rabbit, at least it saved you the chase.

Solvents: For external use only.

Sorry for being so lazy as of late, but it has been a week filled with adventure, or I’d like to pretend so. On Wednesday, or some other day that starts with a “w”, we went on an alien hunting expedition. As usual we started at Benkei, no aliens were immediately apparent. So, in an MSG trance I crossed the street and followed by my followers (they like following me around, I buy them beer and through peanuts at them to keep them happy.) We went to a very secret and fashionable society, so fashionable that you have to change every 2 hours to avoid getting evicted, lets call it the fashion society. MSG, nicotine and mercury (found in large blue finned tuna, if you didn’t know) fuelled my trance. Enter the shaman, he will see you now. Very good. “You have a strong name, like a bully. Would you like, a Tequila?”, “Yes……… I would, like a Tequila... Will it clear my vision and allow me to see into the future?”, “No, it will blur your vision and cause you to walk into things.” “Ah, I see, then I would like a double for myself and my companions, and if by chance you have any salted peanuts? I’d like a bag of those too.” “Very well.” “ Here are your tequilas.” “I see they are a delightful gold colour.” “You are very observant, eyes of eagle. This should help that.” “Yes, it should.” And it did, vision blurred, conversation conversed, styles changed and many beverages of varying potency consumed. “Ah, blub de blub. Do you remember that gold en tequila shaman?” “Actually its Henry. And yes, it was gold tequila.” “Um, yes, do you have the other, other golden tequila?” “Reposado?” “Maybe? What’s the difference?” “It has been aged for a year and is smoother.” “Oh does the aging mellow it out?” “No they just add less turpentine.” “Okay, its done then give us a six pack of those, Shaman you the man!” MSG, nicotine, mercury, lead by products and tequila, the trance has begun resembling a stupor, but I have a strong name! like a bully. Funny I have never heard of any bad guys named Attila Adolf Ghengis Sadam Eugene the Hun. Well maybe I’m the first, I should conquer a small country or something. And the peanuts? You may ask. Maybe I’ll conquer a peanut factory. Sounds pretty good.

Happy human rights day!

Yo yo yo! Happy human rights day, from the rainbow nation, the country with the most public holidays of any country in the world, woot. Yip that is right, humans have their own special day here in RSA, it is a day where we celebrate our human rights, that is the right not to have your ass turned inside out buy nasty exploding incendiary devices, don’t you love not being evaporated, damn what a great day! For all of those who do not know, you are probably a human if you are reading this article, or at least I hope so, I don't know how far they have come in their monkey training trials - but it sounds promising, unless of course you do not want to be a monkeys slave, damn violent intelligent monkeys. "No, no put that cathode ray tube down, bad monkey.", "Eek eek ook, grumble.. (unintelligible).. ook!", "No! You wouldn't, you're crazy! I will not let you destroy another pc of mine you filthy monkey bastard! I said....." CRACK!!!!! "EEEK OOOKKK GRRR! GRREEEOOWLL!". ..... .. . . . . .....


Enough about humans and their ultimate demise. Apparently vampires and lichen have been having a war since, well a long, long time ago. Basically the story goes; /Little red riding vampire was walking through the woods to old grandma vampires house when a tree covered in lichen fell over and crushed little red's little head. None of the other vampires were very happy with this so they declared war on all the lichen of the world. The battle has been hard fought with casualties on both sides, the world is no longer covered in forest, due to the vampire mass lichen eradication campaigns - this has made it difficult for the vampires as now, that sun light reaches the ground they can only come out at night. Lichen have also been forced to move to the south side of the trees on which they grow on, this is to avoid detection by the vampires. Below are some pictures of this historical fact filled story.



Some uneducated people have a different story involving lycan and not lichen; this is an historical inaccuracy. Lycan are merely the offspring of lichen and vampires - don’t ask me how they mated, I don't think you want to know either. Lycan are often called werewolves. So, until next time. BOO! Ha, ha, ha, rolf, lolicon WTF! GAYLORD GEEK MOFO.

Fun with numbers.... now with actual numbers

Evening.. Well sorry about my last post, I promised fun with numbers. I don't think I delivered, maybe I should work for the local government. Okay I'm gonna teach you a few cool tricks. Well if you haven't noticed there seem to be a few computer geeks how spend way too much time on their pc's, you can often spot them by the way they type things such as leeet and cheesee poof. Ah screw it I'm tired here are some silly links (number related of course.) If you find these useful, then good, if not then good. Lets get it clear I do not care. Thank you.

I'm having trouble posting links, so you need to highlight the line, drop it in a new browser tab/window address bar. Mkay

Check out stuff about your birthday at.
http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

Work out how pregnant you are here.
http://www.borntolove.com/pregnancycalculate.html
By the way I do not seem to be very pregnant, strange Lazy says I must at least be in my 5th trimester.

And goole now has a calculator. Find it here.
http://www.google.com/help/features.html#calculator
People have tried it out and it sounds pretty useful, I think.

And for all of you who still have calculators.
http://terhune.net/jokes/calculat.txt.html
They didn't give any of the answers, I guess they didn't want to ruin the punch lines, or something. Ps do not try them on your pc, or not in the office at least, people start staring when you try turn your screen upside down. Just a warning.

When searching for "numbers gone wild", I got some rather questionable content, who knew that going wild was such popular amatuer video thinga ma bob.
http://www.scrapaddict.com/xcart/product.php?productid=19128&cat=877&page=1
Is considerably less risque than the other result. Only 50c.

Intersting little fact: ON the first link I got the number 3 on both the date and the name sections. Can't quite remember if they meant the same thing or something. I just thought that it might be important.. nudge, nudge, wink, wink. There might be a test at the end of this class.

On second thought I've decided that numbers serve their purpose, they only entertain those who understand them, and I do not think I will be putting much time asid eto develop any long term relationships with any numbers, except for maybe 3.

Fun with numbers

Yay, yay, hip, hip hooray. Its time for fun with numbers. Wow holy crapola numbers can be fun. Either that or I am really, really, really bored.. You make up your minds..... Ping toast is ready, wooot... numbers numbers, did someone mention toast? Holy crap my connection is slooooowwwwww today. Okay so this will be a little bit oddly paced, everything else is guaranteed to be completely normal. Yay, Yay. Oog. So to make up for the odd pacing you are going to have to vary the speed at which you read, that is when it is dull and boring i.e. character development scenes, you should read slowly, and when it is exciting i.e. when shit is about to blow up or there is a terrorist attack on some unsuspecting zucchinis you should speed up. Okay do you have that? Try not to let the pacing follow you into the real world though like when shit blows up, if you speak to quickly you may detract from the whole excitement of the event for those around you. Oh and try not to slow down when speaking to your boss, it just means that it will take longer and thus worsen any negative effects from such encounters.

Yay, yay, hip, hip hooray. Its time for fun with numbers. Wow holy crapola numbers can be fun. Either that or I am really, really, really bored.. You make up your minds..... Ping toast is ready, wooot... numbers numbers, did someone mention toast? Holy crap my connection is slooooowwwwww today. Okay so this will be a little bit oddly paced, everything else is guaranteed to be completely normal. Yay, Yay. Oog. So to make up for the odd pacing you are going to have to vary the speed at which you read, that is when it is dull and boring i.e. character development scenes, you should read slowly, and when it is exciting i.e. when shit is about to blow up or there is a terrorist attack on some unsuspecting zucchinis you should speed up. Okay do you have that? Try not to let the pacing follow you into the real world though like when shit blows up, if you speak to quickly you may detract from the whole excitement of the event for those around you. Oh and try not to slow down when speaking to your boss, it just means that it will take longer and thus worsen any negative effects from such encounters.

Oh and back to numbers, gravy and numbers is not recommended for dinner, but whatever different strokes for different paintbrushes. According to http://www.newdream.net/~sage/old/numbers/ "Yep, that's right! Numbers are fun! Numbers are your friends." Holy FAK so there you have it, that’s my proof, it is alright to talk to you phone, because those little squiggly things on the keys, just above the letters, are in fact, you guessed it NUMBERS and they are your friends. By the way there are ten numbers on your phone; the second larger o is actually a zero like such 0, again holy crapola. Apparently zero (0) is pretty important, thus allowing us to count to well to zero, you can't go anywhere unless you can count to zero, if that makes sense. Like when you put petrol in your car, whilst it is moving it is burning petrol, thus counting you petrol backwards from R100 down to R0, which is when you have to start walking, like our cave man ancestors. I always thought that zero was well something edible like an orange or a stick. Hey check this picture I stole from…. What the fak... Oh you lazy biznatch, check it at (http://www.orthohelp.com/number.htm), really enlightening and stuff. Well I’m pretty screwed, I can’t upload any pictures or other fancy stuffs ( I hope at least the text uploads). Oh well isn’t that freaken depressing. My internet has been somethinged, no anime downloads, no uploading pretty pictures. Shit! Now I’ve lost my train of thought beans, they were on their way to Tokyo but I think they were hi jacked somewhere in north Africa, dam north Africans.

Be very very quiet.....

Okay lets get this over with before my headache wakes up. I've had a sickly, obtuse and rather otherwise week. If you read my last post you will no doubt be aware of my battles with the viral scourge of the little green booglies. Headaches seem to be the only constant thing as of late, well headaches, and a general lack of enthusiasm. It’s hard being a nihilist when everyone around you is so positive. “How are you?”, “Crap and you?”, “Oh I’m great, top of the world, best I’ve been all week…..”, “Shut up or I’ll stab you in the face, you freaken hippy.” Why is everyone always soo happy, to stupid to realize and too dum to care. Oh ignorance is bliss. But maybe threatening to stab people in the face gives off negative vibes, I don’t know why everyone takes offense when I offer them some grievous bodily harm when they approach me, its not my fault I’d rather insult you than talk about your day, my day sucked I had a head ache, had a smoke, downloaded some ROMs, browsed the net, ate some stuff, ate some meds, farted, listened to music, shouted at the noisy mofos at work, threatened their families and then I had another smoke. Dam my blood pressure all of these annoying little butt turnips are pissing me off…….. “Doctor check his pulse…”, “Get him an lsd, for his ADD, and get me some coffee and a scone”,…. “What do you mean he’s a cyborg? Have you been watching too much anime again?”, “Cyborg? You stupid mofo, you are just talking to yourself again”, “Huh? What? I’m not a cyborg, you suck.” SMACK. “Now shut the hell up!”


Um okay.

Getting onto matters of health. During my clinical trails I have discovered a rather extraordinary hangover prevention thinga ma bob. As with stds and unwanted pregnancies the best cure according to nuns and lame asses is abstinence, which is why neither have very many friends. But prevention is always better than cure. All you need to do is eat some asparagus before you go to bed. “Did he say asparagus?”, “Why yes I think he did”, “Holy crapola”. Yes asparagus is a diuretic, and I have absolutely no idea how it that helps hangovers, as one of the main causes of hangovers is, well alcohol, which is bum bum bummmmm, also a diuretic. Hmmm. On inspection of the wikipedia, it is noted that some of the more unpleasant side effects of hangovers, are caused by the metabolism of alcohol in the liver (pay attention this is educational), and asparagus causes your pee to smell funny, because it cleans?..... Yes that’s it; it cleans your squishy internal organs. (I tried formulating something a bit more substantial, but it’s still early and I’m lazy, so sue me.) By the way I added this to wikipedia “* Eating some canned asparagus before going to bed will significantly reduce the negative symptoms the following day, this is probably due to the diuretic affects of the asparagus.”, so if you don’t believe me, I’ll just send you to wikipedia…. Proof, absolutely, undeniably true. By the way did I tell you that I invented the moon and walked on the internet. Dam my new cyborg powers kick ass. KOO should really consider this information in their next marketing campaign. “Wanna get rat faced tonight, but you have to perform heart surgery tomorrow morning? You can! All you need is KOO can asparagus. It will clean all of your squishy internal organs, give you laser vision and other cool cyborg powers. Fo shizzel” I can see it now. With my laser vision of course.

I'm sick....

For those of you who have trouble reading I will explain the heading to you. I have been rather unfortunate, sleeping with one's feet in a bucket of ice water is probably not a smart idea considering the odd weather we have been having. Well some rather unfriendly bacteria have decided to make my head their new base of operations, afterall it is a head cold. I have chosen to interperate this situation in the following way: Some bacteria scouts were busy looking for a new HQ, too scared to use birds as any budgie with a cough gets nuked, they decided to move up along the food chain. "Hell why not this tall humanoid looking creature thingy mabob", " For real that looks prime." They took measurements, got quotes and decided to go with my nasal tract, afterall it has the ideal length, tempurature and moistness. They felt that they chose well, they chose me, why me you little bastards. Plans. War Plans. Its war, head war 3, there will be casualties, hopefully more on their side than on ours. Phase one, invade host..... Completed.. Phase two, infect as many cells as possible.... in progress.. Pahase three, make host sneeze/cogh on everyone around..... in progress. They will take over, they will succeed, they will inherit the earth.... Blah dee blah dee blah blah... Overcompensate with medication, meds for runny nose, meds for fever, meds for head ache, meds for the meds that I forgot to take, meds for the meds that I will take, meds for meds sake........ and more meds.... these mofo's are going down, spell check can bearly handle my spelling anymore........ meds make the wall go bumbly, fumbly... vision blurry, sounds taste funny..... damn bacteria you be going downnnnnnnnnnnnnnn,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,............../

Uncapped at last, well for now at least.

No posts in several days due to the fact that SA's only fixed line provider, Telkom, enjoys enforcing a 3gig cap on its ADSL subscribers. 3gigs is crazy, whilst chatting to mit82 in the UK, "screw this crazy 3gig cap", "3gigs isn't that bad, seriously how much do you need a day?", "you crazy British fool, that’s 3gig a month not a day, I freaken wish!", "oh, that does suck." During the past few days I have been forced to find other means to fill those moments of brief consciousness between naps, I bought magazines, rented DVDs, set high scores on my phone and the ultimate sacrilege, I watched TV - F-ck free to air TV. Watched SABC 3 (which is the best, and sadly still not really worth watching,) and as a media consumer I was forced to endure more ads than any educated being should ever be forced to, I think that the channels are working together so that when there are ads on one channel (four in total, yay:( ) then all the other stations play ads too, so you are left to choose whichever ad you despise the least, ja I hate the feminine hygiene product ad a little less than the MacDonald’s ad, lets watch that one instead, or I've already seen that ad 8 times tonight lets look for a new one. Sounds like a great night’s viewing pleasure.... It is at times like this that I see why I don’t watch TV anymore, its not because I am super cultured and would rather read a book or solve the world’s problems… No I want to play internet internet, I want to use Google to search for random shit, I want to play free games, listen to free music and watch free movies. In short the internet is the ultimate time waster. Productivity is no longer on my agenda, nor is my actual agenda. Maybe I’m just lazy in a different way, I think that is probably it, but do I feel bad? No of course not, I blame it on “insert world issue that you should care about, but actually don’t”

Enough ranting let me share some things with you that you can waste your bandwidth on.
Bit Torrent – The wave of the future for file distribution, Bit Torrent on Wikipedia, first you will need a cient, I use Azureus, it works well and has a pretty logo.. Ah pretty logo. And so that you don't get arrested you should only download legal torrets. For those of you are sick of having the default windows download thing screw up at about 80% of a download, here is Free Download Manager, and as the name suggests it is free (warning: when set on high mode it will kill your connection)

Waste your time here.
Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia
Snopes, check out urban myths, etc
Pixel Girl Presents, download pretty backgrounds.
Anime wallpapers, pretty self explanitory.
Newsgrounds, a pretty cool flash site
Internet Movie Data Base, check out facts about movies 'n stuff.
AnimeNfo, Anime encyclopedia.