Ah good (insert time of day.) It has been quite a while, (insert time since last post) to be exact. I hope you are well, I am (insert current state of being), but have been a little (insert past tense negative) lately. FARK, FARk FEKKIDI fek fek. Bleep blip You Mother Farkin fark fark. Dam automated random shit generator, still trying to get me to insert my credit card. That’s it I’m writing all my own random shit from now on. Oh I mean I’ll ramble on a bit randomly, or something. Today (insert date in past) Smash, smash fark fark. Roar, dammit. Okay I am either being very prodigious, or extremely lazy. This blog entry type thing (what you are reading now) has bee prepared at some previous date, one long before the post by date, some may say long before the dinosaurs, some may say before Riaan Cruywagen. But how are we to know, after all time is only relative. To prove this, you will need to go to any government department, preferably the licensing department, now remember that you are there for a very important reason, such as having your license renewed or to shoot someone. Not only will the hour you are there feel like an hour but much more, you may perceive the man next to you age, ever so slightly at first but then you will notice that he now has a beard, then he starts to grey, his nurse comes every now and then to change his colostomy bag, you notice his drip is getting empty, you see his son come to take over their proud place in line, you wonder if you are aging too, you are, you start to lose touch with reality, becoming senile even. Why oh why did you have to go and stand in that life draining queue. Oh the end is nigh. Another test, for those who don’t want to die in the process is to go to a fairly large public event, like a concert or a rugby/cricket/popular national sport game. Find a nice seat, have something to eat, maybe a beer or two and a block or two of brooklax. Now the time it takes for the brooklax to kick in and the time it takes you to find relief. Now that by definition is eternity.
Sorry about the time thingy, it’s just that this is, was, er will be a prepared blog entry. I typedy, typedy, some stuff on me keyboard into the words n’ stuff program, then I save it for later. Kind of like preparing a biochemical warfare weapon thing. I doubt that even the best biochemical scientist dudes could have made their allotted nasties in terror 101. They would have needed to put in many hours of home work, mixing just the right amounts of anthrax with Viagra etc. and on the good side at least you don’t get very many second rate biochemical terrorists, due to the high levels of self study required, they seem to kind of sort them selves out(and their family pets, families, neighbours pets, neighbours etc. etc.)
“I’m sorry oh great large, powerful and very muscular in that t-shirt random shit generator. You are the most wonderfulest random shit generator in the entire fluff. Oh take me into your flock and show me your wonder. And I will give you all my worldly possessions; I have no need for them for I know that when I am with you I need not. What is that? Oh of course I will bring you all the beer that this land has to offer. .. Yes and a cheese burger, with extra chips. …. And a Game boy? Oh Sorry one of those cool new Game Boy DS’ with all the cool little extras, and all the games for it that this ;land has to offer…. And a Porsche designed kitchen set including the nifty toaster and kettle. Oh my random shit generator, this is… What oh you are not done, but this is a rather long list, and I don’t think I even know what a spaloonkedy wonka is….. This is too much, where oh where shall I find these things?” And then I shot him, the most annoying disciple I have ever had. Remember that even though I may take pity upon you today, because you praised my random shit, and stuff, no one likes a suck up, especially not one that doesn’t know what a spaloonkedy wonka is anyway. Oh and next time you see me, give me a beer I’ve deserved it.
26/07/2006
22/07/2006
Listen to me now.
Yes that is right for a limited time only you will be able to rule the world (batteries not included) for the low, low price of humanity. “Mwahaha, our plans are finally coming to fruition Mr. Bush.” “Oh really, that’s sounds like a smoothie, could I please have some strawberry in mine?” “Um. Strawberry?” “Yeah, you know those sweet little red spotty things.” “No, no. Fruition, it is the outcome of our plans.” “Yeah, yeah. I know, you put in the strawberry and outcomes the smoothie. Ooh, aah. Got ta git me some o dat fruitionola’ smoothie ye.”
And next time on the tv channels of our live we might actually get past the drinks menu. “Ooh, Ooh! I want the blue one, look at the blue one, its all blue and stuff!” I, myself Frank Block of the lands that cease to do stuff of twiddily rounding paths, have found ye another way of wasting vast amounts of time. Yahoo Answers. Which is yet another of these all too wonderful web 2.0 something or the others. It allows me, or you, with all our combined knowledge to ask stupid questions, and to give even dumber answers. I puts a smile on ones face when you know in your heart of heart that you have helped someone else reach and attain a fuller better life. I did this today, just a few moments ago, I helped a poor Sudanese child come to terms with the fact that he is going to have a shit life, for the rest of his life, because he can’t tie his shoes. I mean it the little things, like why is there no snow on the moon? Or what do you think of my Godzilla? Is it safe to let the Windsor’s mate? Important, personal, fruitionola, veggie based questions, that will inevitably clog the internet, causing 5 less people to read this blog. Poop on string, when puppies eat soap on a rope.
Damn Mr Bush, always screwing around when we need him most. The Russians were rather upset with etv’s shit movie last night “Red Heat” where Arnold Schwarzenegger, killed a bunch of people because their Russian accent was better than his. Now seriously has Arnold ever had a good accent? Has he acted in Austrian movies? Was his native accent as shit as his English/Russian/anything he says accent. Only Americans would elect these mofos. I guess I can’t be one to talk though, I can’t understand anything South African politicians say either; all I know is that they like large expensive 4x4s, R500 000 family holidays, and the occasional post coital showers.
Until next-time. Keep on keeping on
And next time on the tv channels of our live we might actually get past the drinks menu. “Ooh, Ooh! I want the blue one, look at the blue one, its all blue and stuff!” I, myself Frank Block of the lands that cease to do stuff of twiddily rounding paths, have found ye another way of wasting vast amounts of time. Yahoo Answers. Which is yet another of these all too wonderful web 2.0 something or the others. It allows me, or you, with all our combined knowledge to ask stupid questions, and to give even dumber answers. I puts a smile on ones face when you know in your heart of heart that you have helped someone else reach and attain a fuller better life. I did this today, just a few moments ago, I helped a poor Sudanese child come to terms with the fact that he is going to have a shit life, for the rest of his life, because he can’t tie his shoes. I mean it the little things, like why is there no snow on the moon? Or what do you think of my Godzilla? Is it safe to let the Windsor’s mate? Important, personal, fruitionola, veggie based questions, that will inevitably clog the internet, causing 5 less people to read this blog. Poop on string, when puppies eat soap on a rope.
Damn Mr Bush, always screwing around when we need him most. The Russians were rather upset with etv’s shit movie last night “Red Heat” where Arnold Schwarzenegger, killed a bunch of people because their Russian accent was better than his. Now seriously has Arnold ever had a good accent? Has he acted in Austrian movies? Was his native accent as shit as his English/Russian/anything he says accent. Only Americans would elect these mofos. I guess I can’t be one to talk though, I can’t understand anything South African politicians say either; all I know is that they like large expensive 4x4s, R500 000 family holidays, and the occasional post coital showers.
Until next-time. Keep on keeping on
01/07/2006
Dam inhabitants of nostril land.
It’s got absolutely nothing to do with global warming or the yellow parakeet that lives in your rectum, nor anything to do with the rainbow nation hitting puberty, or the little funny onion thingies in your soup. It has a little less to do with our appalling service levels, smell ignorant police, unqualified teachers, poly-unsaturated / mono-saturated fats, weekend’s on the east rand, and getting lost in the west rand. Or even to do with me being capped after browsing a few too many websites and downloading too much (legal) stuff. It may have something to do with the Far East economies, but that still needs to be confirmed. Some may ask how it all affects the price of cheese, but that is just ridiculous, all I do is go outside and pick some from our lovely cheese garden. It all makes about as much sense as saying the price of cut grass…. “Yes, I’d like a cup full of Canada green, a hand full of Serengeti and a pinch of crab grass.”.. ”Hmm, lovely grass soup, don’t forget the funny onion thingies though.” Where was I going with all that seems to elude me at the moment, must be the dam far eastern economy, or something.
AS you may have / or not gathered, I was degraded to a sans internet status for the last week or so of last month. It gave me time to catch up on a little reading (note to self we need a new tv guide), some chores, some other stuff and a good deal of playing Ragnarok Offline Battle. It is a doujin (fan made) game by a company called French Bread (Don’t worry I have yet to find any frenchiness to it, although there is also a decided lack of Englishness too.) The game is in Japanese (I think) and pretty much entails you going on a quest to wonder the country side, while beating the crap out of cute little bunnies, mushrooms with teeth, cute little bunnies, cute little doggies, funny things with long tongues, a scare crow and more cute creature of various descriptions. It releases our innate hate for all things cute, this easiest identified by giving a baby a cute stuffed animal, babies are rather ill equipped to fight any meaningful battles, so they in fact rely on their blunted gums and over active bowels to soil, destroy, humiliate and other bad things, to said cute stuffed creatures. No wonder we all come out a little odd, because the adults who are supposed to protect infants are continuously dressing them in, surrounding them with obnoxious cute little Satan beasties. It warps the psyche, turning our natural inborn hate to turn into a silly wimpering “Ahhh! That’s cute.” I propose a boycott on all things cute, fluffy and pink. We shall surround our young with sharp objects (which can be used to attack cute things that try corrupt said infant), and dark colours. The “terrible” twos are merely complaining about all the cute crap lying around.
AS you may have / or not gathered, I was degraded to a sans internet status for the last week or so of last month. It gave me time to catch up on a little reading (note to self we need a new tv guide), some chores, some other stuff and a good deal of playing Ragnarok Offline Battle. It is a doujin (fan made) game by a company called French Bread (Don’t worry I have yet to find any frenchiness to it, although there is also a decided lack of Englishness too.) The game is in Japanese (I think) and pretty much entails you going on a quest to wonder the country side, while beating the crap out of cute little bunnies, mushrooms with teeth, cute little bunnies, cute little doggies, funny things with long tongues, a scare crow and more cute creature of various descriptions. It releases our innate hate for all things cute, this easiest identified by giving a baby a cute stuffed animal, babies are rather ill equipped to fight any meaningful battles, so they in fact rely on their blunted gums and over active bowels to soil, destroy, humiliate and other bad things, to said cute stuffed creatures. No wonder we all come out a little odd, because the adults who are supposed to protect infants are continuously dressing them in, surrounding them with obnoxious cute little Satan beasties. It warps the psyche, turning our natural inborn hate to turn into a silly wimpering “Ahhh! That’s cute.” I propose a boycott on all things cute, fluffy and pink. We shall surround our young with sharp objects (which can be used to attack cute things that try corrupt said infant), and dark colours. The “terrible” twos are merely complaining about all the cute crap lying around.
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