Be very very quiet.....

Okay lets get this over with before my headache wakes up. I've had a sickly, obtuse and rather otherwise week. If you read my last post you will no doubt be aware of my battles with the viral scourge of the little green booglies. Headaches seem to be the only constant thing as of late, well headaches, and a general lack of enthusiasm. It’s hard being a nihilist when everyone around you is so positive. “How are you?”, “Crap and you?”, “Oh I’m great, top of the world, best I’ve been all week…..”, “Shut up or I’ll stab you in the face, you freaken hippy.” Why is everyone always soo happy, to stupid to realize and too dum to care. Oh ignorance is bliss. But maybe threatening to stab people in the face gives off negative vibes, I don’t know why everyone takes offense when I offer them some grievous bodily harm when they approach me, its not my fault I’d rather insult you than talk about your day, my day sucked I had a head ache, had a smoke, downloaded some ROMs, browsed the net, ate some stuff, ate some meds, farted, listened to music, shouted at the noisy mofos at work, threatened their families and then I had another smoke. Dam my blood pressure all of these annoying little butt turnips are pissing me off…….. “Doctor check his pulse…”, “Get him an lsd, for his ADD, and get me some coffee and a scone”,…. “What do you mean he’s a cyborg? Have you been watching too much anime again?”, “Cyborg? You stupid mofo, you are just talking to yourself again”, “Huh? What? I’m not a cyborg, you suck.” SMACK. “Now shut the hell up!”


Um okay.

Getting onto matters of health. During my clinical trails I have discovered a rather extraordinary hangover prevention thinga ma bob. As with stds and unwanted pregnancies the best cure according to nuns and lame asses is abstinence, which is why neither have very many friends. But prevention is always better than cure. All you need to do is eat some asparagus before you go to bed. “Did he say asparagus?”, “Why yes I think he did”, “Holy crapola”. Yes asparagus is a diuretic, and I have absolutely no idea how it that helps hangovers, as one of the main causes of hangovers is, well alcohol, which is bum bum bummmmm, also a diuretic. Hmmm. On inspection of the wikipedia, it is noted that some of the more unpleasant side effects of hangovers, are caused by the metabolism of alcohol in the liver (pay attention this is educational), and asparagus causes your pee to smell funny, because it cleans?..... Yes that’s it; it cleans your squishy internal organs. (I tried formulating something a bit more substantial, but it’s still early and I’m lazy, so sue me.) By the way I added this to wikipedia “* Eating some canned asparagus before going to bed will significantly reduce the negative symptoms the following day, this is probably due to the diuretic affects of the asparagus.”, so if you don’t believe me, I’ll just send you to wikipedia…. Proof, absolutely, undeniably true. By the way did I tell you that I invented the moon and walked on the internet. Dam my new cyborg powers kick ass. KOO should really consider this information in their next marketing campaign. “Wanna get rat faced tonight, but you have to perform heart surgery tomorrow morning? You can! All you need is KOO can asparagus. It will clean all of your squishy internal organs, give you laser vision and other cool cyborg powers. Fo shizzel” I can see it now. With my laser vision of course.